LOVE & PEACE: April 2013

Many things have been running thru my mind lately and has really been needing me to step back and truly analyze me, my many situation, and friendships. I feel like I am very level headed person who if pushed to far can get upset. I feel like I am one to help others if I can and show love and compassion to people even when I loose hope in all humanity. I am one who helps the underdog because I know how it feels to be the underdog. I think I can relate to many people because I can really put myself in their situation. But even thru all of this I am still imperfect and I am the hardest on myself than others on me.

Saying this I have felt lately that I have been too kind to people (dont know if that is possible) especially those that I call my friends because some way or another I feel like people used this to take advantage of me. I am a giver and I am fixer. It makes me sad and upset that those around me feel that its ok to say and do whatever they want to me to make them feel better and when they finally want something in return they think still deserve the best of me.

I know some of my so called friends talk badly behind my back. To be honest you are entitled to your own opinion of me. I just dont like the fake friendship. What really happens to me in this situation is that I become bitter and have hatred towards those people which is something that I try never to be. I try my best to be the most positive and happy person I can be even if things go wrong but like I said before Im imperfect. I have tendency to forgive but not forget and I do become distant emotionally and physically. I shut down and loose trust with those people.

I feel that if you have put me down and use me so much and then drop me because you have gotten what you need from me and then want to be in my life again there is a lot that you would have to do. Sometimes I just dont deal and for the most part once im done with you, Im done. But then there are those exceptions and one of the main things that I would need is to gain trust in that person again. I try to push thru my issues because in the reality its in cause of my issues that I become like this and life is too dang short. Too short to be using those that care. Too short to put each other down. Too short to think that there will always be a second chance because the reality is that in life there is no guaranteed that there will be a second chance. Nothing is guaranteed. My life hasnt always been a good time. I have lost many friends to deaths and I have gone thru things have made me understand that LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

I may not be something to look at but I am someone who is strong and hardworking and living life to the fullest and like Marilyn Monroe says: “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

Love those that love you and care for those that care for you. Live your life to the fullest and embrace those that are there for you through thick and thin because you will never know when your journey or theirs is over.

So after three years of no blogging I thought that I would try to catch up on whats going on in my life since then... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!! Being that this answer really makes me sad and makes me feel like I am not living my life to the fullest like a single, 27 year old awesome women with really no responsibilities I made a New Years resolution. This New Years resolution is not the whole lose weight or hit the gym 5 days a week kind of resolution...I vowed that I would visit this world states side and different countries. So far I have fulled my resolution. I have visited New Orleans after Mardi Gras and of coarse Idaho (but I lived there so it dont count ;)) I went with my friend and her roommate. I stayed in the Hostel and to tell you the truth it was pretty awesome to do that definitely recommend it. Here are some of the pictures I took.